


I can feel her out there

by thelotuseaters



Category: Snowpiercer (TV 2020)
Genre: Confessions, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29974986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelotuseaters/pseuds/thelotuseaters
Summary: Ruth waits for Melanie to come backand when she does, Ruth has a few important things to say to her.
Relationships: Melanie Cavill/Ruth Wardell
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	I can feel her out there

**Author's Note:**

> \- Hiya! First of all, this is not really a ship of mine but I became so obsessed with Ruth's redemption arc and Melanie's possible comeback that I had to write about all these stuff. Also bc Ruth is a simp for Melanie we all know that lol;
> 
> \- This story didn't get a beta, so I apologize in advance for any typos;
> 
> \- Enjoy it!

_I know that she's okay._

_I can feel her out there every day._

Ruth placed one of her hands on the cold window, watching the frozen landscapes as the train passed by at its regular speed. With the touch, she could feel it moving; she could feel _her_ moving, right under her palm. That's something Melanie taught her many years back, how to feel the train, how to get to know every single piece of it. Back then, Ruth didn't understand why and how Melanie knew this, unaware of her skills as an engineer and a scientist, but she trusted Melanie with all her being.

Seven years and many disagreements, arguments and fights later, Ruth still felt the same way. She smiled sadly, nearly getting drowned by all these memories, the good and the bad ones. _We've been through hell together, haven't we_? Ruth thought, letting out a soft and sad laugh; a sound which only she could hear. Gosh, how she wished that Melanie was really okay. She felt it, but she needed the proof right in front of her.

She could lie about it, she could deny it to anyone, but never to herself. Ruth was aware that there were only two things keeping her in place: Snowpiercer and Melanie Cavill. The first one being her fortress, her home, her duty. The second, well, was a little more complicated. Melanie was, perhaps, a friend; possibly a colleague of many years, who could know? But she knew it was not that simple, for Melanie was not a simple woman. She was more, always more.

The moment Ruth realized the truth, it was too late; Melanie was already out there, all by herself in the cold. She realized, while lying awake at night, that not only was she loyal to Snowpiercer, but to Melanie as well. It was painful, mostly because she had taken too long and now Melanie could be dead. The others may not have noticed, but when Ruth said that she could feel Melanie out there — every day —, she was trying to convince herself in the first place.

The slow nights passed in agony.

There was one moment which Ruth wished she was out there, making her company; then, this wish of hers turned into a daily thought. Until, of course, Melanie came back.

Everything happened so sudden and, at the same time, slowly as walking in the freeze. First, Wilford took over the train, after seeing that his plan to polarize the people worked. Second, he had Ben and Javi arrested, along with most of the people who refused to follow him. Third, Layton went missing. Fourth, Ruth started working for him again; for the first time, against her will.

She remembered the day, very much clear in her mind as a freshly polished knife. Wilford was sitting in his armchair, holding a glass of scotch in one hand and a cigarette in the other; always very elegant, always very cruel. Ruth and Kevin were standing in front of him, almost in a military stance, waiting for orders. 

The man had that signature smirk on his face. "My dear Ruth…", Wilford started, with all his words dressed in sarcasm. "You're always a sight for sore eyes!"

"Thank you, Sir", she said robotically, faking a smirk of her own. Nothing seemed genuine anymore, nothing felt real to her.

"I know you're very capable, very professional", Wilford rose up from his seat, standing closely to Ruth as he spoke. "But here, Kevin is the Head of Hospitality, meaning you have to follow my and _his_ orders", he paused to look her dead in the eye. "Until you can prove you're loyal to me again."

Wilford whispered the last words in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine and not a good one. The old Ruth would smile proudly, then thank him for his goodness, for giving her a chance. But that Ruth was gone, the new one knew where her real loyalty lied with.

"Yes, Sir", that's all she said.

Knowing that they failed in coming back for Melanie kept Ruth awake at every single night. She cried just once, when she realized the train would not stop for Melanie; the other nights, Ruth just stared at the ceiling or at nothing at all. Except for one, which she chose to sit by the main window of her quarters and watch the snow falling outside.

_"Hold on a little longer", she whispered. "We will come back for you, I promise."_

The events of the following days were nothing but a collection of blurred images, as if they were pictures taken in the nineteenth century; Ruth couldn't tell the details of the images, but she knew the people in them. Icy Bob joined the fight against Wilford, partly convinced by the strange friendship he had developed with Josie; Layton, who had been hiding with Zarah in order to protect the baby, reappeared with the rest of the tail.

Wilford died just a day before Melanie's return, by the hands of Miss Audrey on top of it all. She had it planned since the day she put a foot on Big Alice, and staying there and loving him was all part of the big show — she was a performer, after all. It wasn't shocking to Ruth, really, for she knew if there was somebody who should kill him, that would be Audrey.

And now they had to complete their mission.

_Melanie returns_

"I love you", Ruth heard Alex whispering the words to her mother.

They all stood there, watching Melanie embrace her daughter in a tight hug. Ruth noticed she looked even skinnier, exhausted above all else, with dark circles under her eyes. But Melanie had an enormous smile on her face, her piercing blue eyes sparkling in relief. Ruth, then, thought that she looked beautiful.

After Alexandra stepped aside, Ruth walked towards Melanie, a little more desperate than she had intended, and embraced the other woman as if her life depended on it — and somehow, it did. Melanie seemed a little surprised by the unexpected affection, mainly coming from Ruth, but she felt herself relaxing in the embrace.

"I knew you were going to make it", Ruth murmured, releasing Melanie from her arms.

"I wouldn't have done it without you", Melanie said, with that huge grin of hers. Ruth knew that by 'you' she meant all of them, but there was something very special about the way Melanie looked at her while saying it.

They cared about each other and, to Ruth, that's all that mattered.

* * *

Ruth straightened her uniform before knocking on the door.

"Come in", the voice said from inside.

Ruth quickly looked away when she realized she just walked on Melanie without a shirt on, only wearing her bra and her uniform pants.

"Hey, it's alright", Melanie assured her with a smile. "I don't mind."

 _How this woman ask me to come in and she's dressed like this_?, Ruth wondered, still unsure of what to say now or what to do. She hated being caught off guard, but she quickly cleared her throat and entered the room, avoiding to look at Melanie's state of half clothes. _Focus, Ruth_! She told herself.

"Ah… Right", Ruth trailed off, trying to remember why she was there in the first place. _Okay, apologize, then thank her_. "I wanted to apologize."

Melanie arched an eyebrow. "Whatever for?"

"For not believing you. You were right about him all the time, and I was just too blind to see it", Melanie opened her mouth to say something, but Ruth raised a finger to stop her. "Don't, please. Let me finish."

Melanie nodded.

"I know I was too harsh on you. I was so focused on achieving an utopian order that I tried to…", with tears already falling on her face, Ruth struggled to say the next words out loud. "Kill the only friend I had, and I'm so sorry."

"Ruth… Listen to me", Melanie said as she began to wipe the other woman's tears. "We all made mistakes on this train. I have failed you too."

"No, that's different--"

"It's not, a mistake is still a mistake", Melanie cut her off and squeezed her hands. "I lied to you for years, that makes me a shitty friend", she joked, getting a chuckle from Ruth which Melanie gladly joined.

"Don't joke about that", Ruth said, hitting the engineer in the arm.

"I know…", Melanie still had a smile on her face from the previous chuckling, then her expression became serious again. "But I mean it, you don't have to apologize. We all failed at some point, it wouldn't be fair to go around pointing fingers right now."

"I just wanted you to know that I regret it", Ruth replied way softer than she intended.

"I know", Melanie squeezed her hand once again. "I have my regrets too, you know that. But what we must do now is learn from the past and keep going, protecting each other as we always do."

Ruth nodded, unable to hide her relief. "You're right", she said, wiping away a few tears that were still resting on her cheeks. "I still want to thank you though, for giving us hope…"

"Ruth, you really don't need to--"

"In fact, I do. We all do", this time, Ruth cut her off. "You put your own life at risk, the possibility of never seeing your daughter again, just to let us believe in something. That's what kept us together, and for that I'm forever grateful", Ruth returned the gesture, squeezing Melanie's hand.

The engineer, on the other hand, seemed a little out of words; then, her signature grin was back on her face. "Piece of cake", she joked.

Ruth crossed her arms and watched the other woman with her eyes narrowed. "You, Melanie, are something else."

"Cut that", Melanie playfully rolled her eyes. "We did it together, and I know that if you could, you would do it yourself."

Melanie didn't lie, for Ruth would, indeed, do anything for Snowpiercer. And for her. But she wasn't going to say it out loud; after all, Melanie knew it somehow.

Ruth smiled softly, flattered that Melanie trusted her as much as she trusted Melanie. "Speaking of things I would do, there's something else I need to share, something that I should have told you a long time ago."

"Yes?"

"I once told you that my loyalty lies with Snowpiercer…"

Melanie nodded.

"But that was not the whole truth. My loyalty also lies with you, and I want you to know that", after that, Ruth adjusted her 'W' pin to a 'M'.

Melanie watched the whole scene with an open mouth, definitely something that she would never expect from Ruth. She knew they were friends, that they would do anything for each other at this point, but the engineer had never thought that Ruth was as loyal to her as she was to the train.

"Ruth, I…", Melanie's voice nearly failed her. "I appreciate it, I very much do. But…", she hesitated, making Ruth feel a little nervous. She wondered if she overwhelmed Melanie, if it was too much, but Ruth was suddenly brought back from her thoughts when she heard the sound of a drawer being closed.

Melanie returned to her side, holding something in her hands. She didn't seem uncertain any longer, she seemed excited. For some reason.

"I kept this for a couple of years, waiting for the right opportunity to use it and I think it has come", Melanie, then, carefully removed the 'M' from Ruth's uniform and replaced it with a golden 'S' pin. "There, much better."

Ruth's eyes went wide, finally seeing what it is. She looked down at the pin, then at Melanie, who was grinning from ear to ear. _Bastard, must be hella proud of herself. I want to hit her again_ , she thought, grinning along with Melanie.

"Snowpiercer?", Ruth asked, although she already knew the answer. Melanie bit her lower lip and nodded. Then, she laughed out loud. Ruth thought, for a moment, that her laugh was intoxicating. Beautiful, in fact.

"So… What do you think?", Melanie asked.

"This is… Perfect", Ruth smiled, saying that last word while she looked at Melanie. She closed the distance between them, squeezing the engineer in another hug. "Thank you", Ruth whispered in her ear.

"Thank you, too", Melanie whispered back.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and suggestions are always appreciated!


End file.
